The Thin Line Between
by Quill To Parchment
Summary: Something seemed to have ignited the moment Lily met James, something that couldn't quite be placed as hatred, or dislike.
1. Chapter 1

It was a very normal and decidedly un-peculiar day. Maybe that's why Remus felt so bored. That, or as James and Sirius lost no time in suggesting, he just did not appreciate much what was 'cool' or 'fun'.

If their idea of 'fun' was lurking in the corridors and leaning cockily against the walls, that is. Really, couldn't they sit somewhere – in the library, perhaps? He was rather tired.

"I'm rather tired."

Remus blinked and looked down at the speaker, who was huddled next to him. Peter looked pretty uncertain about loitering around in the corridors too, but really, who was he to suddenly grow a spine and say anything against it?

Remus really wished he could sit. His legs were aching from the last full moon a week ago.

But his excuse of homework wouldn't work this time. They were only about a week into their fourth year, so their workload was light. The four of them had taken to doing this quite often though, much to Remus' annoyance, forced to do so by Sirius and James, who had had a sudden epiphany that skulking in the corridors and laughing loudly at people who walked by made them very cool.

They had changed over the summer. Physically, both boys had suddenly claimed a good few inches and were now bordering a quarter of a foot below six. Remus himself had grown quite a bit, practically the same height as the other two. Peter was woeful lacking in altitude, but the summer had robbed him of some of his baby fat.

While James and Sirius took it in their stride, strutting and grinning down at the world with a distinct kind of pride that suggested that their tallness somehow reflected their masculinity, Remus found being this tall very unhelpful as it made him slightly more conspicuous than before. As such, he took to squaring his shoulders and withdrawing into himself, and found that being thin, this techniques helped to concentrate his body mass and make him more invisible.

The sudden development in their physical stature was accompanied by an equal growth in their egos; their arrogance had climbed to giddy altitudes in their first week itself, and thus Remus found that no amount of coughing and eye rolling could contain it. It was because of this that he found himself leaning on the wall outside the Trophy Room, hands in pockets as Sirius and James smirked next to him, fiddling with their wands and looking supremely cool.

A nearby Defense class was let out, and a sudden mass of chattering first-years poured out into the corridors. A large number of them hurried down the steps, a few of them vanished around the corner and a group of four stood talking excitedly a few feet away.

He started to glimpse a few fellow fourth-years along the length of the corridor; the Gryffindors continued down the hall for Charms, but the others gathered near the classroom door, waiting for the professor to come. It was Transfiguartion, if Remus guessed correctly, because there were Hufflepuffs as well as Slytherins amidst the crowd, and they were all carrying large charts which McGonagal had assigned to the Griffyndors during their last transfiguration class.

As the crowd grew larger, Remus felt an ill sense of foreboding.

His suspicions were confirmed when Sirius nudged James and sniggered. James and Remus looked in the direction Sirius had vaguely gestured towards, and displayed instantaneously opposite reactions; James grinned largely while Remus frowned.

Severus Snape was huddled at the fringes of the crowd, eyes scanning the book in his hands with a kind of frantic concentration. He didn't join the rest of his house in their feat of collectively sticking up their noses, but instead started tapping spots on his book and making minor adjustments to his work.

Snape had always been strongly disliked by James and Sirius, but now he was singularly picked out of the crowd of Slytherins and exclusively bullied. Remus failed to understand this new obsession the two boys had began to develop, and though he found the appeal in have Snape be the victim, he did not approve of it in the slightest.

Remus realized what was to happen moments before it actually did, as Sirius rolled up his sleeves, eyes glimmering. Remus sighed wearily. "Sirius, don't…"

"Oi Snivelly!"

"…bother him," Remus finished flatly.

Snape gave a violent start and dropped his book with a loud thud. A few people snickered, and he quickly bent down to pick it up, flushing as he did so.

"What've you got there?" James asked casual, his voice loud.

"Reckon that's his diary?" Sirius grinned.

"Could be," James said, stepping away from the wall, "Does ickle Snivelly have a diary?"

"Bet he writes in it every night. Pours his greasy little heart out."

"Bet it has ugly hooked noses over the cover."

"Let's take a look."

Sirius flicked his wand and the book started soaring away from Snape's hands. Snape let out a yelp and grabbed its edges, tugging it frantically back to himself. The crowd started to laugh, their laughter only increased as the book started to shake Snape off in annoyance, causing Snape to be rattled about like a limp ragged doll. The book slipped out of his grasp and then pummeled the back of his head, sending him sprawling on the ground.

Sirius and James joined in the peals of laughter that reverberated through the hall. Remus shifted uncomfortably, feeling slightly sickened and a lot more tired. Peter chuckled in malicious glee beside him.

"Stop that!"

It was a girl's voice, and the book stopped it activity of whipping Snape's bottom and fell to the ground with a thud as the girl pointed her wand at it. James and Sirius straightened up, (it was a girl, after all) smirking and looking rather arrogant. Remus identified her as Lily Evans; she was in their year in Gryffindor and she had red hair and green eyes, but that's all he knew about her concretely. She was nice enough, if not a little stuck-up, and perhaps that's why Sirius and James avoided her as much as they could, finding her rather too much of a goody-two-shoes for their likings.

It was rather an unfortunate coincidence, then, that she was also quite good friends with Severus Snape, which was the stuff of gossip whenever other more interesting scandals ran out. It was just not done, a Gryffindor being that friendly with a Slytherin, especially one who was so clearly disliked by a vast majority of the school. Remus rather admired her boldness. She didn't hide her acute distaste of Sirius and James, but she nodded politely at Remus every now and then and even went so far as to discuss homework with him in the corridors at times.

She stood in front of Snape now, hands on her hips and eyes flashing. Her friend Mary Macdonald stood unhappily to the side, like she would rather be anywhere but here, but Lily took no notice. She glared at Sirius and James.

Sirius looked bored. "Is there a problem?"

"Other than your profound pigheadedness? I don't know, at least you could refrain from displaying it in the corridors?"

Sirius clutched his chest dramatically, "Ah, you wound me, love."

James rolled his eyes and stepped forward. "Lay off, Evans, we didn't hurt him."

Lily pursed her lips, "Are you trying to _justify_ yourself, Potter?"

"I have no idea where you got that idea."

"You mean to say you're not even the slightest bit ashamed of your behavior?"

"Should I be? I think I rather have a good reason for it."

Lily scoffed, "Oh is that so. And what good reason could possible excuse you for being the world's biggest git?"

"Well, for one thing, I don't like Snivelly's face."

A few people chuckled appreciably. Lily glowered, "His name is Severus."

James merely smirked and continued, "It's survival instinct. Each time I see his face I run the risk of dying from a sudden quite grotesque attack on my vision."

Sirius and Peter burst into laughter.

"I don't know why I bother talking to you," Lily spat, "You're a sad excuse for a human being, Potter, and if you have any sense in that bloated head of yours you'll leave Severus alone from now on."

James took a step forward and his voice was challenging, "Or what, Evans?"

Lily instinctively stepped forward as well, fists balled at her side, "I'll hex your arse, that's what."

"For that bit of slime? Not worth it."

"DON'T call him that! He's a better person than you can ever hope to be!"

"That's not a very difficult benchmark then, is it," James snapped, and Remus realized that for the James, the argument was getting less playful and more heated.

"If that was the case, you've still failed to come even close," Lily said nastily.

"Really? Shall we take a general consensus on that? See what everybody _else_ thinks?"

"I don't give a damn what everybody else thinks, to me you're nothing but a bleeding lowlife."

"Well, you're a prude."

"You're a big bully."

"Stick in the arse."

"Toerag!"

They were face to face in the center of the corridor, James towering over Lily, who glared hatefully back into his face and they stood hardly a few inches apart. The entire length of the corridor had started to quiet at James and Lily's rising voices, and had now suddenly fallen completely silent.

There was no mistake that neither of them was feeling particularly fond towards each other, but somehow the energy that seemed to crackle between them exceeded a normally appropriate level and suddenly the crowd became uncomfortable, as if they were privy to something extremely personal. There was no physical contact between Lily and James, in spite of their unnatural proximity; indeed, it was only their gazes which were locked onto each other's, but it was infinitely more intimate.

Remus felt like averting his eyes, though he was wildly confused as to why. Lily's gaze, filled with revulsion, was locked on James' face, and James was looking down at her with a hard, blazing look. They detested each other was a passion that somehow ignited a wild kind of spark between them. They were quite effectively unaware of everybody else in the hall, or the tense atmosphere that had people fiddling nervously; they seemed to be completely immersed in their own raging battle.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably beside Remus, and Remus realized that he had picked up the odd, heady scent in the air as well. Something seemed to have ignited the moment Lily met James, something that couldn't quite be placed as hatred, or dislike. With a sudden realization, Remus understood what it was that existed between them – chemistry, of the passionately loathing kind, but it was chemistry all the same, and it was practically screaming itself to the world. Remus didn't know where it had come from, but it was so obvious right now that he was surprised he had never noticed it before.

Lily was frowning and her eyebrows were hunched, but she was no longer glowering. Her lips parted slightly, as if she was under a trance, and she was breathing heavily from all her previous tirade. James' body was tense, and his eyes were intense and scrutinizing, as if he was digging to find something in hers. People were staring; the first years on the side gaped openly, while the other fourth-years had the tact to turn their gaze up towards the ceiling and pretend to look preoccupied.

Suddenly from beside Remus, Sirius coughed very loudly, the only sound in the vicinity. Its echo was like a slap of cold water; people started and looked around, relieved that something had broken the building hush. The crowd started to murmur.

Sirius' intentional cough made Lily start as well. She blinked, as if trying to pull herself back into the present, and she stared stupidly at James, who continued to look at her. She flushed as she noticed the crowd, but she didn't look away from him.

"Go out with me, Lily."

Remus knew that this declaration should come as a shock, but it didn't, not after what he had witnessed. It was not a question, rather a brusque demand, and it betrayed an urgent kind of edge in his voice, as if he had suddenly realized something. She continued to stare at him stupidly as the seconds ticked by, and at that instance, Remus swore she was considering saying yes.

But she broke eye contact, looking over his shoulder, and it was as if Remus could see her wits catching up with her, and her face slowly hardened into an ugly look of hatred. She stumbled backwards, putting distance between them, and when she spoke, her voice was cold and she was still looking over his shoulder.

"Not in a million years, James."

And then, without a backward glance or another word, she sped past him down the corridor. Everybody followed her progress as she disappeared briskly around the corner except for James, who continued to gaze at the spot she was at with a funny expression on his face.

The crowd, sensing that the drama was over, started to disperse and chatter excitedly between them at this latest scandal. James Potter had asked Lily Evans out. He hated Lily Evans – what was he playing at? The hall was bustling with activity again.

Sirius didn't look happy, and his eyes were flashing with a predatory look. The only other person who looked just as angry was Snape. He had watched the exchange from the shadows, and his expression was now ugly and twisted. He looked sour as he glared coldly in their direction and then hunching his bag over his shoulder, he slinked quietly away.

Sirius forced a smiled onto his face and made his way towards James, who hadn't moved at all. Peter followed nervously. Remus looked thoughtful as he quietly fell into step with Sirius.

"Clever one, old boy!"

Sirius thumped James on the back cheerfully. James turned distractedly towards Sirius. "What?"

"That really got to her didn't it? Bloody brilliant move," Sirius said. His voice hardened slightly. "That's what you were doing, right?"

James nodded mutely. Then suddenly, he grinned cockily at Sirius. "Of course, mate."

Sirius' face cleared; he looked infinitely more relieved. When he spoke, he sounded a lot happier. "We've found away to shut up her eh? Ask her out more often – it seems to piss her off to no end."

"Yeah, yeah it does…think I should give her a bouquet of singing flowers next time?"

Remus remained silent as they headed towards Charms, Sirius and James animatedly discussing new embarrassing ways to ask out Lily and make her angry. He remained silent as they took their seats and began to discuss the upcoming Quidditch match as if nothing had happened. He remained silent when he saw James glance repeatedly at Lily, who was hunched on the front bench, and he continued to remain silent even as he saw something akin to regret in James' eyes.

Who would have thought?

Remus buried his aching head in his hands and sighed. What had started out as normal had definitely become a very peculiar sort of day.


	2. Chapter 2

"Evans!"

She moved quickly, her shoes hardly making a sound against the damp grass. She could hear laughter and chattering all around her as the students of Hogwarts basked in the long-awaited spring weather, appreciating fully the last few days of term.

"Evans, wait…"

She ignored him, lips pursed, and continued towards the castle gates. A quick glance over her shoulder told her that he was still following her, and she hastened her pace with renewed vigor.

He caught up to her anyway, his long legs no match for her small steps. He was careful to keep a distance though, which she was grateful for.

"Please listen to me…"

This was too much, and she suddenly stopped in her tracks and whirled around, making him stop in surprise. She threw a look of hatred at him. "Leave me alone!"

"I'm sorry," he started quietly, put she silenced him with a hand.

"I don't want your apology."

It was true. She was tired, so very tired of this endless charade of theirs, and though, admittedly, there were very few times James Potter ever apologized, she found that at this point she simply didn't even want to hear it anymore. He ran a hand through his hair and grit his teeth, swearing softly.

"Damn it Evans, what do you want from me then?"

His tone was biting and impatient, and it spurred her temper further. He had no right to be vexed with her, her anger was justified soundly. When she spoke, it was her exhausting that made her cry out. She was so bloody _tired_ of this.

"That's just it – I don't want anything from you, I never wanted anything from you! In fact, I wish you'd cease to exist for me and leave me ALONE."

It was true, all of it was true; she wanted nothing to do with James Potter, yet she found that not a single incident could be recorded of her life at Hogwarts without his name making an appearance, and he simply couldn't get it into his thick head that she did not want him in her life at all.

Having effectively silenced James, Lily turned to leave. She had hardly taken a few steps though, when suddenly he was in front of her, blocking her path and glaring down at her with frustration and a wild kind of helplessness flashing on his face. When he spoke, his voice thundered.

"It never works for you; I've tried everything, but nothing ever works for you, because you just refuse to see past your damn prejudice!"

"Prejudice? _Prejudice?_ After everything you did last year in fifth year you have the nerve to call me prejudiced?"

His gaze was stony and his jaw clamped shut. He was clenching and unclenching his fist, but she knew he was powerless to say anything. The evidence was completely against him and he knew it; however much he regretted what a fool he had acted then, it couldn't change the fact that those incidents had happened. She continued, her tone laced with hysterical rage.

"And what have you tried, Potter? All you've ever done is humiliated me in a variety of flagrant ways, made my life miserable – what exactly have you tried?"

He stood his ground, letting her words batter against him, and said nothing. Of course that's what she thought; she never seemed to see anything else in him, never saw who he really was. Her hatred blinded her, and he was powerless to change her views, he wanted to shake her and make her realize how wrong she was, but he was powerless.

"And what's more Potter, you'll never change. You know why? Because you don't seem to find anything wrong with yourself; what would you change for?"

The last words were spat at his face in a gust of finality. Having delivered her crippling blow, she started to move past him and follow her preliminary path to the castle.

"Do you want me to change for you?"

She stopped. James' voice was toneless, and he wasn't looking at her.

Lily whirled around and gave him a long look.

"_You_ would change for me?"

"I don't believe in changing for people," James continued in the same dead voice, "I think that's cheating. A person should like you for who you truly are rather than a modified version that suits more to their liking. But I would change for you."

She felt her body trembling, but whether with rage or shock, she couldn't tell. How dare he offer her the one thing he would die before offering to anybody else? How dare he mark her as singularly different and unique for him and place his heart in her hands to do as she pleased; she hated it. She wanted nothing to do with him and his heart, she hated him for goodness sakes, and she loathed him for putting her in such a situation, where remaining indifferent was not an option. She hated how he had given her a choice to either hate him or love him, because he knew that either was a form of acknowledgement, far better for him than if he were to cease to exist to her, as she would have preferred. Now whether she had a say in the matter or not, the deal was done; he had invariably made a place for himself in her life, be it amongst the things that she strongly disliked, and she hated his presumptuousness in doing so, hated how it was so typical of him to push and shove his way into her life without her say in the matter.

Inflamed, incensed, her feet moving on their own accord, Lily was suddenly right in front of him, her face a few inches away from his and her green eyes fixed on his hazel ones. For a moment, she was thrown back three years ago into a memory of fourth year, of the moment that triggered everything that followed between them, when they had stood in the Transfiguration corridor just like this only so much younger, and she felt the energy crackling between them once more.

"I don't want your devotion. It means nothing to me," Lily said venomously, "How dare you think that changing for me would make me give you a chance? Do you truly believe that my choice of people is measured in terms of how devoted they are to me? I don't want you to change for me. I hate you. I hate the person you are."

"You don't know the person I am," James said quietly, unwaveringly.

"I know however much you've allowed me to see."

"Then allow me to show you more, Lily."

Lily felt it again, that something in his eyes which tugged at her emotions and brought them tumbling to the surface; hate and pain and passion. That blazing look she'd seen in them so many times on so many occasions held her where she was, throwing her into a momentary standstill. Why was it always now or never with them? Why was everything they said to each other so final and so deeply impacting?

She could almost see the crowd in the Transfiguration corridor in her periphery, almost hear Sirius' loud cough reverberating in her memory almost as if it was real, and for the second time in her life, she made her choice and stepped away from James Potter, and once again, she felt like she was letting something very important go.

This time, she did not blink and look over his shoulder, but held his gaze, her eyes cold and closed. "It's too late for that, James."

She pulled her cloak closer around her body, and without another word, she walked past him in the direction of the castle. And just like that day, he didn't try to stop her, or follow her, or even watch her progress, but stood still, hand at his sides, back stiff and straight, and the one repeated thought that came to his head was that she had unknowingly called him 'James' for the first time in three years.


End file.
